It’s funny how time runs away with you when you are completely unaware and before you know it, it’s November, and Christmas and the New Year are in view.
I have noticed this year that for me, there have been massive changes both personally – the caring element has really taken over my life to be honest, and also I guess professionally – although I don’t know if I can really call my blogging that.
All I know as we come to the end of the year that things ain’t what they used to be, and I was feeling kind of confused about it all.
I have been shouting about books for a long time, and I love reading and talking about books, and it’s still the best feeling when someone contacts you to say that they read a book you recommended and they loved it. It’s really hard not to recommend another twenty to them, but you feel that you must be doing something right!
This year more than ever, there has been a wide range and numerous discussions and posts about book blogging, and with Twitter (still won’t call it X) changing all the time and Instagram having a fine old time monkeying around with that wonderful algorithm, lots of us are scratching our heads about how we can best get the word out about books we love to fellow readers.
A wise woman (thank you @bookishchat!) told me that when you have read and reviewed a book that you should feel that your part is done and that you should move on to the next book. I was getting really caught up in worrying about no one seeing or liking or sharing my posts, but honestly. I think you will never beat the algorithms and you have to post and move on, and hope that someone picks up a book that you have recommended.
For me, this year, this has been brought even more into focus by the fact that the demands on myself as a carer have increased massively. It has been hard, but I have had to admit that I can’t spend so much time writing reviews and thinking of lots of different ways to talk about books. Being involved with the Curae prize and being fortunate enough to meet the incredible writers who have contributed to it has made me really think about what I am doing and where to go from here.
My day is probably different to many of yours, and in fact my life is too. If you had told me twenty two years ago that I would be looking full time after my adult son, that I would have to give up my career, lots of things I took for granted that I would be doing, lots of my dreams, some friends, some family, holidays, nights out with my husband, having friends over, having weekends away, being able to just walk out of the house to go for a walk, or even be able to go into another room and have five minutes to myself, having a lie in, and all the other things that many people do without a second thought – I wouldn’t have believed you.
Yet here I am.
There are currently around 10 million unpaid carers in the U.K. according to Carers UK 2022 Research Data. You may be one, have been one, you may know one – or lots, and honestly – one day it’s likely you may find yourself as one. You may have known the day was coming, or it could come completely out of the blue, but one thing is certain. Your life will be very different, and for me, this year especially, I knew that in order to keep going, I needed to have something to let me be me – even if for only ten minutes.
Reading is always and has always been the very thing that I turn to, but this year has been hectic and full on, and trying to read and blog alongside trying to do everything else has made me feel that 2023 should really be my last year of Years of Reading Selfishly.
Yet something kept me from deleting my accounts and stopping reviewing.
Quite simply, it was the realisation that without that focus, that part of my life that I don’t know what I would do with my days, apart from look after my son and do housework and watch telly, and that’s not enough for me. It never was.
Starting my Years Of Caring project may be a very small fish in a huge pond, but knowing that I am making sure unpaid carers voices are heard, and that people are realising they are carers as a result of hearing others talk about it has just been incredible for me, and I have made some brilliant friends as a result.
It has also made me realise and acknowledge that reading and blogging is not, and should never be a competition. It’s about finding that joy and peace in those moments, be they languishing or snatched, that for that time it’s just you and the words on the page, and that you are transported away from your world if only for a little while. We all started our bookish accounts because we loved reading and shouting about books, and it’s too easy to get caught up in the misconception that if your posts aren’t liked or shared that it somehow means you have failed. We all read and talked and recommended books long before we dipped our toes in the social media sea, and sometimes I think I forget that.
Life is too short to read books you don’t love – and for me I have realised that life is also too short to believe that likes and shares somehow validate you as a reader or blogger. Once I realised that, suddenly all that matters is knowing that I am going to keep talking about and recommending books – however and whenever that works for me.
Years of Reading Selfishly 
Lovely to hear your voice again. My life has also been changed by caring duties, though not all day every day as yours seems to be. Reading & writing help, a lot. I’ve recently given up on most social media and am now exploring Substack. It seems a kinder place somehow. Sending you good wishes. Alison
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Thank you so much for your kind words Alison, that really means a lot. I have heard a lot of good things about Substack too, and know that stepping away from social media is often a really good thing. Sending you love and best wishes too, Clare xx
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I wish I could give you a hug, Clare. Likes, shares and stats can become a bit of a drug. I decided a couple of years ago to ignore mine and feel much better for it. I hope you can continue to take solace in reading and find some respite in it as much as you can. And thank you for alerting me to several novels I would have otherwise missed. xx
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Thank you so much Susan – will gladly accept a virtual hug! It’s funny because recently, I have done just the same, and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I think once I realised that I don’t need to keep up with anyone and just please myself, that suddenly it all became clear! I have to say that you are an inspiration to me too, I love reading your blogs, and I think we know that you have introduced me to so many books too! Xx
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So pleased to hear that, and I think you’ve returned the favour! Thank you xx
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That’s the spirit Claire, read because it makes you feel good, without expectation or obligation, and when it’s possible to do more and you get from joy from it, share it in whatever way feels right. You are doing an incredible and valuable job, all the best Claire.
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Thank you so much for your kind words Claire, that really means such a lot. It’s hard sometimes when you see everyone else seemingly doing so much!
Best wishes,
Clare xx
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I think of it like a line from an old movie, Bull Durham, about baseball. In it, a catcher who is getting too old to continue playing professionally is pursuing a minor league home run record, and when he gets there, at an away game, he comes home and tells the woman he wants to settle down with “I hit my dinger and I hung it up.” I like that idea, that you can meet your own expectations–post the review–and then go about your life without waiting for anyone else to notice.
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I really love that Jeanne! It’s perfect, and I absolutely echo the sentiment too! Thank you for your wise words. Xx
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I’m a carer, too, at home most of the time and my former business pretty much dead in the water – and so I feel I could have written most of this post myself. I can’t really express those feelings any better. Thank you so much for writing this!
I also agree about the competition-mindset, and what to do to keep it at bay. I do want *someone* to express that they care about what I am writing but I don’t want to obsess about it. I also suspect it is a moving goal post somehow. When I get as many subscribers as you I will still doubt myself, most likely, if I don’t constantly tell myself to have the right focus.
Some weeks I feel I can only stay sane with all my everyday challenges if I write something, and so I try to keep up the streak, and then affirm that is enough that I connect with just a handful of persons – either now or down the line. It is easier said than done, but it is the only way it should be done for me!
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Thank you so much for this Christopher and I know exactly what you are going through. Increasingly, I have found that writing about my caring experiences help me not only articulate what I am going through, but also I hope help other people feel that they are not alone.
I think you have to find out what works for you and do that – recently, due to the pressure of being a carer, I have had to accept that I can’t keep up with everyone else and do what I can when I can, and it has been like a huge weight has been lifted.
Keep writing, and keep talking about it, I promise people are listening.
Best wishes,
Clare
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Agreed. Acceptance – of a great many things – is one of the best ways forward. Hardest, too😌
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It really is isn’t it. I think it’s like a whole process you have to go through and it is hard and lonely, and really difficult to explain to anyone who doesn’t have the same life experience.
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Amen. Take care out there – and feel free to let me know if you ever read some good linked short story collections. I kinda have a thing for those🙂
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I will do! You take care too, and here’s to reading and writing!
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