Like thousands of families across the UK this week, Thursday 17th August was a really important date for us. Not only because it was our 27th Wedding Anniversary (I can’t believe it either), but also because it was A level results day for Youngest Years of Reading.
When he found out his results, and he knew that he was finally going to study Sociology at Uni, which is what he had wanted for such a long time, for all of us, there was a mixture of happiness, relief, pride and exhaustion that all seemed to collide at the same time.
Now as we are organising and getting ready for him to go to University, it was only yesterday that another emotion settled into place – sadness. For nearly eighteen years he has been here, and now (quite rightly!) he is getting ready to experience the world without us. It is his time to find his way, and I want him to do it so much, but honestly, I don’t know how I feel about not having him here every day to talk with, to laugh with, to see his eyes rolling at my bad jokes or the embarrassing things I apparently do. My husband calls him my wingman, which he absolutely is. With everything we have gone through as a family, and all the kindness and resilience he has shown, I am so proud of the compassionate and incredible young man he has become, and hope his University finds out how very lucky they are to have him.
The other thing this means is that when he leaves, it will be just my husband, myself and eldest Years of Reading, and although I have been a full time carer for a while, what it brings more sharply into focus is that now, when my husband is at work, it will be just the two of us (plus Jasper the Labrador!) all day every day.
When you look after someone as an unpaid carer, as I’ve explained before, it can be really lonely and isolating, but at least with Youngest Years Of Reading being here, there was a change in the dynamic, a new breath of energy when he burst through the doors at the end of the school day, or came back from a night out, hungry and wanting to tell us all about what had happened.
As there are probably only three of us that will read this post (including my Dad – hi Dad!), I think it’s ok to admit that I am finding being a full time carer really hard at the moment. When the person you care for doesn’t want to go outside the house, and has huge anxiety about everything, and they wake up before six every morning, it’s a long, Groundhog Day every day. I am talking about it because we don’t say it enough. We think as unpaid carers we have to carry on because that’s what we should do, but I want to tell you if you are finding it too much, it’s okay to say that – and at the moment I am.
Half of me also thinks that when Youngest Years Of Reading goes, that it’s the perfect time to stop blogging and focus more on my eldest son, but the other half of me thinks that this maybe could be a chance for me to put more time and energy into pursuing something I love so much, find a new direction, because without reading and blogging, I honestly don’t know what I would do.
Yet increasingly, I’m also feeling a sense of invisibility to the book world because I’m over fifty.
Just because I choose not to make reels or record a video, or be on booktok doesn’t mean I don’t know how to talk about books. I really do, and I think I’m quite good at it too. For the first time in seven years I am feeling left behind and have genuinely wondered whether it’s time for me to stop blogging.
It’s so frustrating when you know how many incredible older bloggers and reviewers there are who write so brilliantly and passionately about books. I feel that there just seems to be this disconnect I can’t work out, and it makes me wonder whether we can change it, or it’s just the way it is, and I just have to carry on and accept it, or stop blogging.
Maybe trying to make sure that those voices and those of carers are heard could be part of my new chapter, and it might just be the thing that makes Youngest Years of Reading leaving home a little easier to bear..
Lots of love,
Clare
Xxx
Years of Reading Selfishly 
It is stick together not stock together!!
And it is lots of love to Clare not Claire!
xxx
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Don’t you give up blogging if you still love it as I for one love what you have to say.
There is a place for the young and us over 50’s (I don’t do reels either) to happily co exist. We just do things differently, not necessarily worse.
I’m also an empty nester and it will take some adjustment and a little grieving but they don’t disappear completely as they often come home for mums cooking or FaceTime for our sage advice.
Here if you ever need to chat or rant
Mel xx
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I don’t do reels or Book Tok, and I don’t care about it any more! Maybe because I’m over 50 and realise that I don’t have to jump through all those hoops any more. Also I don’t need to read all the books either, although it is extremely nice to have some shiny new ones from the publishers sometimes. Just do what feels right for you at the moment, and don’t feel pressurised by anyone or anything. x
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I have only ventured onto Insta as Twitter descends into hell fire and I really don’t want to see me on video! I am going to keep reading and blogging when I feel like it.
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Also over 50 and still blogging. It’s an outlet for me, to talk about what I read with a few others (no matter how few) now that both my kids are grown and gone.
I can’t imagine much of what it’s like, being a carer, but I would guess that having others to talk to about what you read and think and feel would be a good outlet, maybe even more of a needed one.
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Congratulations to your youngest and best wishes as he ventures forth! I can imagine it will be a period of adjustment for you and I hope you can still find refuge and pleasure in reading and reviewing.
Also, let’s not forget there are very many readers who are over 50 also and who might not need Tiktok or the like.
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Hey lovely you are not alone. I’ve left the world of blogs & insta and am exploring UTube and Substack As for loneliness it can get tough. Save, keep , create something, someplace, just for you. Caring can become all consuming. It’s that old cliche; you need to care for yourself in order to care for others. So hard for women All the best, and just think of the christmas hols!
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Many congratulations to your youngest, Clare. I’m always pleased to see your infectiously enthusiastic tweets and hope you feel you can continue. I’m sticking with both Twitter and blogging – far too inept to create beautiful Instagram posts!
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I can only agree with this Clare – both the situation with being a carer, and the changes to blogging.
Our lives were very much bound up with having Daughter (now in mid 20s) at home. She is profoundly autistic and nonverbal with challenging behaviours. Things were very difficult, but she is now being helped by a local charity in a supported living setting. She is much happier and so are we. This isn’t of course a universal solution.
As to blogging – yes, I have noticed the request dry up, the breathless promotion of anything tiktoky (reference to that is a sure way to make me NOT read a book). I will carry on with my wordy reviews: I’ve seen the landscape shift (at one time I was in the UK top 350 Amazon reviewers… when the reviews were mostly for books) and am not going to chase it, but maybe there’s more time now to read the backlog!
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just wanted to say how much your experience as a parent of two, one of whom you are a FT carer to, resonates with me. I have twins, one due to go to University next year and one who will stay home indefinitely with very narrow interests and my life will revolve around her. It is hard not to feel selfish when wanting something more for yourself than just this very simple life. Books are my way of escaping into other worlds to live the lives I cannot. Keep reading, keep blogging – we dinosaurs should stick together!
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Hello Susy,
It’s lovely to meet you, and thank you so much for your really kind comments, I really do appreciate it. I also completely understand what you are going through, and how that at times it feels that everyone else is living the life you wish you had. I know that like you, books have meant everything to me, and now more than ever!
If you are on Twitter or Instagram, I’m yearsofreading over there, and am always here if you need a chat or book recommendations.
Sending you love and best wishes,
Clare xx
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