Tag: 2023

Thank Goodness for Books

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Ever since I decided last year not to do a Best Books of the Year thing, I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted my final blog post of 2023 to look like. I am genuinely too knackered to think of anything witty and erudite to say (that’s the joy of full time unpaid caring for you), but I am just awake enough to say that this year I felt like there was some undefinable shift for book bloggers.

Possibly it is because Twitter has felt very different over the past year – a lot like shouting into the void as you endlessly try and tell people that the books you are trying to shout about are really good and you know that so many of you would love it – if only you were able to reach them. Instagram has me baffled constantly, and at 53 I am not enthusiastic enough to do reels and feel too embarrassed to start lip syncing to songs while remembering to hold my book the right way round, so I guess posting pictures of my books against the white of my dining room wall will have to do.

There is absolutely no doubt that the bookish community is as strong and supportive as ever, but I know that lots of us are all having conversations about how different it feels at the moment – something we can’t quite put our fingers on, but I know lots of us feel it.

As always, this is just my opinion, and as always for me writing about how I am feeling helps me to process and understand it – well at least a little. I have been blogging since 2017, and this is the first year, as I have said before that I found this the most personally challenging in terms of caring and book blogging yet.

Not only have I been trying to juggle full time caring, dealing with all the stresses and pressures that brings – no sick days, no breaks and loneliness and isolation like I have never experienced, but also trying to not let down the publicists and publishers by making sure I read and reviewed the books I had promised to do, as well as keeping Years Of Caring going. This proved to be really challenging because ironically I was so busy caring for Eldest Years of Reading that I found it really hard to make the time to read the books and ask authors to be involved!

Anyway, I think what I am trying to say (not very well, so thank you for sticking with me so far!) is that 2023 has made me realise many things, and perhaps most of all how you have to be kind to yourself and accept that sometimes life means that you can’t read lots of books, or as much as you like, and that you absolutely shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Reading should be a pleasure, a joy, something that gives you that real physical sensation of connection to a book and the words on the pages. Whatever you read, whenever you read, whether it be one page, one chapter or one hundred pages it is your chance to be somewhere else, on your own, even for just a little while. This year, this has meant more to me than I can explain, and having to accept that reading has to fit into my life rather that my life has to fit into my reading schedule has felt like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

So I think the one piece of advice I am trying pass on is to remember how much you love reading. Why out of all the things you could be doing, that picking up a book is what you choose to do. How much you love finding yourself in new worlds, losing yourself for a while, that amazing feeling of joy and wonder that comes when you love a book and want everyone you know to read it too. We all read, loved and recommmended books way before we used social media to tell everyone about them, and I know I need to remind myself of that too.

Reading is a way to start conversations, to make friends, to read books that you never would have picked up, to find solace, comfort and joy. The right book at the right time can make you look at the world in a whole new way, and there is nothing like it when you find an author you love with a whole backlist for you to devour. Don’t ever feel embarrassed about telling an author how much you love their writing either, because it means the world to them to know how much their words mean to you.

It can be very easy to feel at times that your bookish worth is measured by how many books you have read, or how fast you can get through them, but honestly, maybe the best judge of it is being able to simply say – do you know what, I read some brilliant books this year, and it doesn’t matter if it is two or two hundred.

I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter how challenging 2023 has been, there have been two constants that have helped make it better – brilliant books and truly brilliant bookish friends, and for that I am and will always be forever grateful to all of you.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

Lots of love,

Clare

xxx

The End of One Chapter – and the Start of a New One?

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Like thousands of families across the UK this week, Thursday 17th August was a really important date for us. Not only because it was our 27th Wedding Anniversary (I can’t believe it either), but also because it was A level results day for Youngest Years of Reading.

When he found out his results, and he knew that he was finally going to study Sociology at Uni, which is what he had wanted for such a long time, for all of us, there was a mixture of happiness, relief, pride and exhaustion that all seemed to collide at the same time.

Now as we are organising and getting ready for him to go to University, it was only yesterday that another emotion settled into place – sadness. For nearly eighteen years he has been here, and now (quite rightly!) he is getting ready to experience the world without us. It is his time to find his way, and I want him to do it so much, but honestly, I don’t know how I feel about not having him here every day to talk with, to laugh with, to see his eyes rolling at my bad jokes or the embarrassing things I apparently do. My husband calls him my wingman, which he absolutely is. With everything we have gone through as a family, and all the kindness and resilience he has shown, I am so proud of the compassionate and incredible young man he has become, and hope his University finds out how very lucky they are to have him.

The other thing this means is that when he leaves, it will be just my husband, myself and eldest Years of Reading, and although I have been a full time carer for a while, what it brings more sharply into focus is that now, when my husband is at work, it will be just the two of us (plus Jasper the Labrador!) all day every day.

When you look after someone as an unpaid carer, as I’ve explained before, it can be really lonely and isolating, but at least with Youngest Years Of Reading being here, there was a change in the dynamic, a new breath of energy when he burst through the doors at the end of the school day, or came back from a night out, hungry and wanting to tell us all about what had happened.

As there are probably only three of us that will read this post (including my Dad – hi Dad!), I think it’s ok to admit that I am finding being a full time carer really hard at the moment. When the person you care for doesn’t want to go outside the house, and has huge anxiety about everything, and they wake up before six every morning, it’s a long, Groundhog Day every day. I am talking about it because we don’t say it enough. We think as unpaid carers we have to carry on because that’s what we should do, but I want to tell you if you are finding it too much, it’s okay to say that – and at the moment I am.

Half of me also thinks that when Youngest Years Of Reading goes, that it’s the perfect time to stop blogging and focus more on my eldest son, but the other half of me thinks that this maybe could be a chance for me to put more time and energy into pursuing something I love so much, find a new direction, because without reading and blogging, I honestly don’t know what I would do.

Yet increasingly, I’m also feeling a sense of invisibility to the book world because I’m over fifty.

Just because I choose not to make reels or record a video, or be on booktok doesn’t mean I don’t know how to talk about books. I really do, and I think I’m quite good at it too. For the first time in seven years I am feeling left behind and have genuinely wondered whether it’s time for me to stop blogging.

It’s so frustrating when you know how many incredible older bloggers and reviewers there are who write so brilliantly and passionately about books. I feel that there just seems to be this disconnect I can’t work out, and it makes me wonder whether we can change it, or it’s just the way it is, and I just have to carry on and accept it, or stop blogging.

Maybe trying to make sure that those voices and those of carers are heard could be part of my new chapter, and it might just be the thing that makes Youngest Years of Reading leaving home a little easier to bear..

Lots of love,

Clare

Xxx

My Summer of Reading Selfishly

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A Woman Reading in the Woods, 1959 (Life magazine)

I had my Summer Reading all perfectly planned.

A stack of books, selected, piled, all ready for an introduction on Twitter (refuse to call it X), a lovely filtered picture on Instagram and a cheeky post on Threads. There is so much bookish stuff going on – the Booker Prize Longlist, the notabene prize Shortlist, the Diverse Book Awards, the fabulous Women In Translation month, not to mention the books that are coming out in August and all the ones I haven’t managed to read and review yet, and don’t get me started on the books sat on my bookshelf glaring at me..

I don’t know what happened, I sat looking at them all and I just felt completely overwhelmed.

I always feel when you announce to the world “These are the books I want to read this summer”, that there is an obligation to read them all – even if you don’t really love them, because you have put it out there, and as a book blogger, I always try to do what I say!

I ended up with a full on case of The Dreaded Book Slump, not wanting to read anything at all, and instead spent my days watching re-runs of Real Housewives and sat staring at my books.

So this Summer, I am trying to do something a bit different. It might not be for everyone, but for me, I know that with everything else I have going on (hello real life!), that I need to stay interested and feel that reading is a pleasure, not a bookish chore I need to get through – otherwise those Real Housewives are going to get watched a LOT.

This Summer is going to be my Summer Of Reading Selfishly, and if you have read this far, thank you, and you are probably (hopefully) wondering what it means, and whether you could do it too.

I have picked a new pile of books to read over the Summer – in fact, as I write this blog post, they are sat on the table in front of me, and I have decided that I am not going to share what they are.

I am not setting myself any deadlines, I might post a review if I feel like it – although am not quite sure where works anymore – but that’s a whole other blog post. If I love the book I have read – I will tell you about it, if it’s not for me, I won’t say a word, and move on to the next one.

For me, that’s the best bit – this is a win win for everyone! I shout about books I love, the authors know I love their books, and if I read a book from my stack that I don’t love, I just put it down and move onto the next one – and no one knows. More importantly, I don’t feel under any pressure to read and review everything I have in my pile – because I am the only one who knows what’s on there.

So for this August, that’s my Summer Reading sorted, and honestly, for the first time in a long time I am looking forward to just reading for the sake of it. I might even start to remember a time when I used to read without thinking about how I would review it!

One thing is for sure, I promise to let you all know when I read a brilliant book – and here’s to my Summer of Reading Selfishly.

Is It Just Me?

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Here’s the thing.

I’ve been blogging about books since 2017 and have loved every single minute.

Honestly? For the last few years, I have felt that I am shouting into the void, along with eleventy billion other bloggers too. You know when you read a book that’s just so brilliant you want everyone to know about it – there’s only so ways you can say “Trust me, you will love this book, please read it!” How do you not lose heart or lose faith in your judgement when it feels like no one is listening?

I love reading, and I love talking to people about books, but thanks to the constant changes in the algorithm on Twitter and Instagram, I am starting to wonder why, and doubting myself as a reader and blogger.

Recently, I have found it sometimes difficult to be enthusiastic about books, and have been feeling overwhelmed by my reading pile – I can’t get through them fast enough to talk about them, and the reading slumps have been coming more and more frequently. At one point, I started to wonder what was the point of reading and posting about books for publication day, when it feels for me that the views and likes and retweets are less and less with every week.

People will tell you that it shouldn’t matter, that you do it because you love it, and that you are creating an online document of the books you have read and loved. I do love what I do, but I still want to feel that my words are reaching people. Having worked with quite a few authors now, I know how important it is to them that we talk about their books – especially when you find that special one that you want everyone to read.

Then you start to think it must be you – that you have done or said something to offend people, and that in a world of screens and scrolling your posts are whizzed past or ignored.

After some personal decisions were made this week, I realised I could sit around and feel sad – or I could do something about Years Of Reading and take the chance to shake things up and move in a direction that I want to go in.

So here we are.

The funny thing is, that once I had a chance to process everything, I realised that if I was brave enough, that this could actually be the chance for change, for me to sit back and think about what I love doing and what I don’t, and that now my bookish future is up to me.

Reader, I started to think of what I want Years Of Reading to be and have already done a few bookish things way out of my comfort zone – will they come off? I don’t know. The thing is I tried, and at least it’s made me realise that you don’t know unless you ask. For the first time in a while, I feel enthusiastic and inspired about Years Of Reading – because I know that it’s up to me what happens next – and do you know what?

That’s the most exciting thing of all.

And Just Like That, 2022 is done

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I’m not quite sure why I am writing this blog post on the last day of 2022. I haven’t read a huge number of books this year, I’ve been at times lackadaisical in posting on my blog, and have often felt like Twitter and Instagram have been changing the rules so often that I have no clue as to what the best way is to shout about books anymore!

Book blogging has been my thing for such a long time now, and while it’s introduced me to a world where I finally feel that I belong, has given me opportunities I could never have dreamed of, and has given me incredible friendships I now couldn’t be without, I am ending 2022 feeling a bit lost.

I am a firm believer in being honest about my blogging, and as 2022 comes to a close, and 2023 looms large, honestly, I have been feeling overwhelmed with it all at the moment. It’s hard to keep the energy and enthusiasm sometimes – I still love reading but by December (probably like lots of you!) I felt a bit like I was back on the bookish conveyor belt of reading books in a certain order so that I am ready to review them for publication date.

I have taken a complete break from social media over Christmas – and it’s been lovely. I’ve watched a lot of films, spent a lot of time with my family and put my phone down for days – which not surprisingly has meant I have read a lot more! It has been so refreshing to just sit and read without constantly thinking of what I am going to say in my review, and instead have just read for the sake of reading!

There are a few things I know I want to do now. I need to feel confident in my voice again, and find the joy in blogging. For me, it’s hard to keep posting when you feel like no one is listening – I know it shouldn’t matter, but when I read a brilliant book, I just want to make sure as many people as possible know, and honestly, I still get frustrated sometimes because I don’t know the most effective way to do it, and feel like I have let the authors down.

Having a chance to pause over Christmas has also given me time to think and reflect on Years Of Reading Selfishly and what I want it to be going forward next year. I am sure no one is really bothered, but for me I need to feel enthusiastic about it or I just won’t do anything! Perhaps in writing this blog post I am making myself accountable and can look back on it in 2023 to make sure I actually do what I say.

When the brilliant author Harriet Evans wrote her article for The Bookseller this year about how women over 45 love books, and that the book trade should love them back, I was lucky enough to be quoted in the article, and I also felt that Harriet perfectly articulated what I have been thinking for a long time too. As a 52 year old woman, at times I have felt invisible, at one point this year seriously contemplated stopping blogging – but do you know what – I don’t want to lose my voice or feel my thoughts about books don’t matter. There should be room for everyone to talk about the books they love, however they want to do it, and my voice and opinions count – I need to remember that, and make sure that we support each other too.

The other thing I have been thinking about a lot, is how to combine book blogging with being a carer for my adult son. I told you all this year that I am going to keep talking about the realities of caring, because as a society we don’t, and books have given me the perfect peace and space I have needed to recharge this year – because it’s hard and full on sometimes.

In 2023, I want to read and share books written by people who are carers like me, to use my blog as a way to amplify the voices of people whose stories you may not know but need to be heard. I am pulling together a reading pile of books, and am having a think about the best way to do it – more on that soon, but in the meantime I’d also really love it if the publishing industry didn’t do away with online events. Just because book lovers can’t physically be somewhere doesn’t mean we don’t want to take part…

Looking back on what I’ve written it seems like such a lot. It’s up to me now to practise what I have been preaching, but the one thing I know for sure is that while at times I do feel like I am done, that there is also something that keeps me here – and that’s the fact that sharing my love of books and reading brings me joy – and I know that I need that in my life now more than ever.

Here’s to 2023, and all the books we have waiting for us, the love of books that we want to share, and to you, the incredible bookish community who absolutely understand the joy of books, reading and shouting about them!

Lots of love,

Clare

Xxx